At this time, Mr. Miller reentered the house. He was approached by Perp Three who welcomed him and proceeded to remove a gun from her waistband. Mr. Miller suggested that a rape whistle or some mace might be a safer way to ward off predators and protect Perp Three’s person than a loaded firearm. Perp Two then told Mr. Miller that if he had any sense he’d be smart to put his face on the floor. Mr. Miller then lamented the socioeconomic circumstances that led Perps One, Two and Three to this lot in life and offered to brew some fair trade bancha in hopes of dialoguing about community-based ways to ameliorate their livelihoods. Perp One struck Mr. Miller with the butt of his firearm.
– McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: A Robbery of Three Liberal Arts Graduates: The Police Report.
Posted on Tuesday February 23rd
